Thanksgiving: Sensory overload

By
Herald Editor

In the holiday spirit, the usual column fodder has been replaced with a one act play in which the four senses take leave of their faculties while partaking in the gluttonous gastronomy known as Thanksgiving.

Act I / Scene I
The place: a kitchen
The time: 12:25 p.m.
[Warming up for the main course]
Eyes: I say it every year, but this time I really am bigger than the stomach.
Mouth (chewing): This relish tray is a real misnomer. Hey index finger, get your phalange out of my black olive!
Nose: This stinks. I have a cold on Thanksgiving. My nostrils are stuffed - and it ain't with Stove Top.
Ears: Everyone quiet! Did someone turn on the Lions game yet?
Mouth (chewing): Hey, one turkey at a time. Is this real butter? I'm trying to watch my trans fatty acid intake.

Act I / Scene II
The place: a dining room table
The time: 12:30 p.m.
[The feast begins]
Eyes: Are my pupils dilated or is that real cranberry sauce?
Nose: Don't ask me, everything reeks of menthol Kleenex.
Mouth (chewing): MMM ... another slice of tryptophan, heavy on the gravy please.
Ears: Shhh! I think the Lions just got 10-yard penalty on the coin toss.
Eyes: I'm not sure if it is being home for the holidays or the green bean and onion casserole, but I feel like crying.
Mouth (chewing): Hey, Frank Capra-corn, stay focused on the mashed potatoes.

Act I / Scene III
The place: a living room couch
The time: 1:10 p.m.
[Indigestion and the Detroit Lions ensue]
Eyes: Must ... stay ... awake ... Uncle Bill ... by ... the ... pumpkin ... pie
Mouth: I'd chew Joey Harrington out, but I'm saving my jaw muscles for dessert.
Nose: This stinks. No really.
Ears: I wish John Madden came with a mute button. Hey, I think Steve Mariucci's inner voice just cried out; something about the horror ... the horror.
Eyes: If I see one more indigestion commercial I'm going to toss my - MMM, chocolate chip cookies.
Mouth (slightly agape): Two words: food coma.

Act I / Scene IV
The place: a bathroom
The time: 2:30 p.m.
[Things go down the drain from here]
Eyes (tearfully): I guess it was the green bean and onion casserole after all.
Mouth: Hey Nose, if I have to take one more breath, the nostrils get a tongue lashing.
Nose: Ahh ... sensory deprivation never smelled so good.
Ears: Someone hit the fan - the Packers put Gilbert Brown in at quarterback.

Act I / Scene V
The place: a bedroom
The time: 12:01 a.m.
[Perchance to dream ... of a cold turkey sandwich]
Eyes: Ohhh, I'm seeing drumsticks in my sleep.
Nose: This stinks - even my dreams are fragrance free.
Ears: I still can't believe what I heard today: a Lion laying an egg.
Mouth (sleep chewing): I prefer my food for thought between two slices of bread - with some turkey and horseradish.
Happy Thanksgiving
Grand Traverse Herald editor Garret Leiva can be reached at 933-1416.

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231-933-1412

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